If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
