how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
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Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's shark week go big or go home
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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