The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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