I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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