That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
