I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
