i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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