saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
