Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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