He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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