I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
