this boner is exhausting
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
