Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
