all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
