we're blogging at a bar
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
