Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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