I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
