you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
