dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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