Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
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Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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