what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Randomize
