you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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