Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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