Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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