I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
