wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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