in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
