i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
