JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
