Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize