please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
