What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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