direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
