Do you still have your period?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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