I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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