i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
