everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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