Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
