im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
