I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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