Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
