Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im having a threesome with these popsicles
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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