My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
