Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
