Whod you bang
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
