Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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