fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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