ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
