are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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