I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
sick fucks of a feather flock together
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
