I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
