# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
