Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize