I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
