Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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