happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just pee around me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize