Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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