It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
