how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
