You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
