Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
