The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
