I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
