Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
