I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
