haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My ass is underappreciated
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
