"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
