oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
