I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize