arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
third nipple confirmed
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
