i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
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Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
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There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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