I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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